how do i ask for forgiveness? i did an incredible stupid thing. and now here i am spending my time regretting it. i am not going to play out my ego, stroke my pride and behave almighty and uppity.

i am sorry for being a harsh meanie. ok, my forte is my sharp words and my tongue is as forcefully piercing as a 2 prong fork. i can be quite a devil with words to come. but i am sorry. i know i would have B.W taunting me about being weak, needy, desperate or whatever but good news i discovered. B.W is quite the asshole here. maybe my confidence played me out which led to me relying on assorted advices. however my judgment failed me when i chose to believe B.W. nothing but my fault.

now he is mad and i can't do anything. i don't think i will call him cos' frankly my guts failed me. this i really don't know. oh my, i am losing myself in this battle. strangely uncomforting and unfamiliar this feeling. this feeling which settled at the bottom of my stomach like lead it feels. i am bloody lost and confused! whoopee! oh my god!

i am shaken, i am mad, i am scared cos i cannot recognise what this could mean?! and i hate this sort of thing. 6 rings on the phone and i hung up in fear. literal cold sweat might sound a chime right. this spells shit you know. really shit...

oh my... how do i say sorry for him to response? god.. this is drivin me nuts and i am going madder each day i don't hear from him. and i don't like this feeling. nope... not at all... i am playing right into his hand and i can't stop myself. this is the thing. why is it so hard to like someone and be genuine without all these antics? here i am, wanting an ounce of truth and honesty but yet i am worried what he might think if i am too straightforward, too brashy... or perhaps not pushy enough, didn't stand up enough? why should i ask myself that really?

oh man... i just wanted things nice and simple and most of all... uncomplicated. thanks man...