it's been a hell long time. i kinda lost track of my life for awhile. i think i was too busy absorbed into my world. hahaha ok confused little me!

oh well, as usual work and party people play. then saturdays and sundays, hit the snooze button cos no one dates me out. i am so sad. actually not, at the rate my friday nites go, drink drank drunk's kinda getting scarier.

i miss some good old friends lately. i miss melvin no i am not in love with him just miss him. but he is in a hyped up jealousy. everyone gets this jealous rage when the party mentioned is berth. berth there is something wrong with u or something wrong with u man... hahaha

i got over that stupidly incredible "mis-feeling" over my affectionate friend. not when my gal friends are losing their minds to a FIT over it. situation is under controlled i think. yep yep, definitely under controlled! and i think i found someone whom i can say i do genuinely like.

i am close to that flip flop feeling in my stomach and my heart is almost in his hands. i wouldn't say i am in love but i think appropriately, i am in like. i feel astoundedly safe. i think watching princess hours helps to define that certain feeling of identifying the ONE.

now can you imagine knowing someone who is always around you when you're out together with the bunch of friends, jokin and laughin and gettin pissed drunk together, and suddenly he turned and kissed you?

i kept asking myself that question... how come? how did that happen? how went wrong? if it is a sexual said feeling, momentarily lost of control thing... i felt embarassed for him. knowing each other or rather clubbin together for slightly more than a month and now i am a girl in his eyes.
WOAH girl u go... YAH RITE...

that was the 1st time. i thought maybe too much drinks. and try to keep my mind off it. sometimes too many questions spoil everything.

2nd time, hmmm.. how should i say... have you ever been hugged by someone and you know that warmth, that cosy feel in his arms ... like a blankie.. so comfy... i dunno why but i felt like i am safe somewhere. i was amazed.. truthfully speaking, how many guys out there are able to exhibit that? even if he is an actor, i gotta give him like an award man...

i wish it didnt have to stop. oh shit! this is bad!

friday nite was all embarassing for me. i guessed i didnt expect myself to be held back. i clammed up and lost myself in the midst of the dark cold air and the music's moving too fast for me to capture my spirit. i was afraid i might lose him. i dunno why i said lose him but it felt almost that way. oh yeah... we shared a kiss ... haha ok more than a kiss... ok... several kisses and that was just nice and ALRITE...

but the funny thing he doesn't call he doesn't text and he doesn't do anything.. so help me if i am not right but what the heck is going on?

oh my... i hate this... i wish someone would tell him to be straight up and hit me with the truth like a tequila shot tho i don't like that so much. i, again don't wanna be mind fucked.. that is my affectionate friend's occupation.

do i want something more out of this. yes i sure do... oh shit that's about it..