LIFE RATTLES 2

Sunday, April 22, 2007

i am so damn exhausted. but i am so damn happy. before i begin talking in riddles, confusion and chaos, let me describe my feelings for this wonderful weekend.

friday night was a nice evening tho i am stuck at office doing OT. i was so damn shagged out by work yet i couldn't stop smiling. worse was when i was woken with a call at 4 am just to go for a ride in the cold early morning. yep, i smiled quite abit . the joker couldn't stop his lame one man conversation but he made me laughed so much in a span of 2 hours.

saturday night was out with the usual suspects. we found learnt a new way of sniper action for our BF - recap - Budget Force... shooter is an interesting movie to learn that wind, weather conditions, altitude will affect your shooting skills. i mean those with bullets... yep... my boss wanna play sniper now and we have to hunt for AK-47s.

we had also decided at a chill out over $1 nostalgic ice cream at the cold cold dam filled with bikers and a swift that wouldn't stop spinning round and round that we all should own lambos.. this is the way to advertise our agency for hire... mel's taking orange with white rims, kav the boss can't make up his mind, decided on a range of hues that would probably eat us out before we start making money and jas decided on white with black. i will always go with my black but that is if i can even touch the pedal not forgetting gettin that plastic card legalizing me to be wheel-bound in singapore. tat's life...

midst of our usual weekly BF meeting, i received a surprise message. surprise that i kept smiling and almost died and went to heaven that kind of surprise. i was so happy that i didn't really care about anything else. yep... i died and went to heaven that early morn at 0356hours.. :) happy is the word. silence consents my happiness descending to earth.

that ride home was undeniably fascinating. i was fascinated by the trees, the stark dark woods along the lit highway. the wind is in my hair and the music playing all around me. i was waiting for a response via my k800i..

tho it seems i waited in vain nevertheless for that message to come in the 1st place, i was already satisfied beyond words... my budget buddies were grinnin as i was lost in my bit of euphoria...

0612hrs - i was blasted by 8 messages... from a cool "wru" to a pissed off "winner" to maybe a slightly anxious "cannot tell ya"... imagine my frantic mode to get to that person who was about to blow my head off.. literally you can say i was blown off course...

to say my heart melted knowing that an anxious somebody wanted to see me is an understatement... that is the 1st time this someone actually said this to me... my heart died on me that instance... to hear that somebody was waiting for me and had wanted to look for me at the island of the dam... imagine that light breeze that kept me floating upwards... i wish this would be it and never never ever go away... my heart melted... hah! my heart was already in that somebody's hands... i was in transition of leaps and bounds... all the way to la la land...

when the request came through... well... this is the 1st request that i didn't even bother to think... i thought i mux be mad but if this is maddness i wouldn't really mind being so... this is also pure happiness... strangely so, i found myself calm tho i expected myself to be in state of hyper tensed up unsteadiness... god created a great female outta me.. hahaha

wee early hours, tellin my mom that i am off to nurse a sick friend from death's crutches... wee early hours, the sunniest day came into my life that morning... the cool air hits my face and i had to take 5 to re-compose my elated self back to control after seeing my dream...

needtheless to say i nursed a sick being back to some sorta better state... my kind words were exchanged for harsh words and confusion in that drunken lord but still nothin could bring me down... little fingers entwined that early morning... the gentleness of both beings lushed that morning light... we traded insults like little kids do, we shared secrets like secrets only us knew, we joked each waking hour, the sleep was short but sweet... i did a silly thing and recorded how that someone sounded and looked like asleep. that effect was devastating but funny moment for us both. we both knew that can't be shown... we were like little kids together... all happy, childish and funny lapses in between. we exchanged smacks and had mini pillow wars time to time. we watched a great deal of tv that is for me really alot since a long time... a horror movie that bounded me closer to hmmm... that someone's laughter rang besides me when i jittered in fear of the fading ghosts on tv... the cheeky smile and coaxin to make me open my eyes to watch those scenes that i might lose sleep over tonite..

little chats about having babies since my mother instincts kicked in after spending another nightmarish day with hueing's kids... both so damn lovable and now attached to me that my heart bleed dry... that graze in my eyes as i looked at the once little terrors.. i knew i had to be a mother soon and a wife to someone...

i am determined to conceive my own brood and raise my legacy for the father of my children and my happiness. it seems whatever i had shared at that moment made someone pleased that is if i am not wrong. the quesion came, when would i want to achieve all these... my answer is if i can't find the man for me to worship how can i give what i want for him? does that satisfy a curiosity? man, that is cheek.. pure cheek... :)

soon after night came, darkness falls and time past so fast that i knew i was going to leave all that behind. we went somewhere surrounded by people... a little girl touched me when i was buyin us some drinks and that sweet little smile she gave... i think seriously i need to settle down... in the cab on the way home, the topic arose and again back to some Q & A. my honesty set in and i determinedly said that i want to settle down by 26 with my kid to show to the world.. i tried to say that as proudly and confidently as i can. a smile came in response to assuring me that i can do it... disappointingly... again silence prevailed. that puts a stop there and then. but the question came that is the gun's trigger, what kind of partner i want? someone who loves me simply.. my smile in exchanged for that silence. and we both fell victim to that quietness in the cool cab...

in return i sent a text. showing my appreciation of having this chance to know that someone better and to have discovered a different side that i can related and really like so damn much. of course i didn't really say that.. i am still a girl and shy at that... heehee ;)

i am determined to grasp hold of this little light that fell on me and hopefully things blossom nicely... as i said smiling is always good... smile my day through and my blues away...
now i shall carry this smile through out this coming week ahead... no work is gon be hell for me now...

9:45 PM

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