someone said that i have changed quite abit on thursday night. i supposed it is a good thing cos all i remembered was he smiled quite abit. that would be good to know that i have done something not too bad this year. almost half a year is gone and i supposed it is not in vain.

quite a few things changed in my life. i am no longer attached. lost some weight. smiled alot more lately. calm down alot. relax quite abit. gotten quite happy lately. learnt a few important lessons about life. yep i pretty much achieved some good karma for my afterlife.

when i was told that my change noticeable is a good one, i nearly mocked how i used to be. that was one grave act i put up knowing that i do detest how i used to be. when i looked up at that moment and saw how this dear friend of mine was behaving. i did a quick reflection and thank my stars that i woke up in time. between there and then, i shared a secret smile with my inner self and that someone who noticed the good difference. that smile was strangely distant yet satisfying.

i knew that i have lost a deal since the start of the year but gained alot more in these 3 short months. i gained a quiet sort of peace and i realised that i am a lot happier with myself than to be unhappy for all that i am not. i gave away too many things in the past. now i will not do so. i learnt in the end, i have to know who stays on the same road as i walk.

though i lost those happy people and the so-called fun times, yes i do missed that once a while. thinking strangely why i don't hear from them. i lost contact with some whom i consider more than just acquaintances, that i sorely regretted. now is to make amends while i can. some i think i can live without. seeing the changes going all rotten, despite trying to reach out... i guess sometimes people are like branches of trees... time to axe off when that branch cease the urge to exist.

i also realised that there is someone romantically might be somehow reachable. maybe in that zone he is the only one who noticed my visible change. someone who is aware of me and the difference i made up. someone who separates me from the sea of others in the same motion. i played a role of withstanding that motion. i sought myself.

i learnt not to feel so negative about myself anymore. i learnt that it is who am i not what i am that made me so in this life. i learnt that if people cannot accept me or decidedly feel that i should not be who i am, there is really no need to stick on tight to that thought others created. ultimately my happiness is in my own hands.

i realised that i am distinctly different from what i used to be like. i was noisy senselessly but now i am noiseless sensibly. i decided that i have my quiet moment and to be how i was i really cannot do that. i decided that it is tough to play a fool all the time. i will not be a joke of myself. i like myself this way better. i like my smile this way as well. i am genuine and smiling just keeps the blues away. i decided that there is nothing at this point in my life that i am upset with.

i see those who play the roles of fools smile ingenuinely when there is nothing cheery about drink not because they are happy but to be happy. giving in to the bottle to keep their blues within. i think that was what i thought that life is like. just like in the movies as they played the roles so well. i took it my path that i would played the fiddle so well. but nothing much in life was they say would be in the movies. why do we believe something so much when life is apart from what it actually is?

to be happy is to know what you really want in this life. ask not for material but the immaterial things that would be infinite happiness. simple things best often said to be the most complicated but i realised the simplest amongst what is available this life is often the most precious things defined.

i ask for a good book to read in bed, good music that come my way. a nice tall glass of passion fruit soda to make my day and best of all my dear pals to share the day. i am happy to club once a FULL moon, movies during the weekends and dinner with my best friend. coffee on sunday evenings and a date once awhile would be nice. work of course and school is good. let me smile all day and sweet dreams to bless my morning next.

simple conversations each and everyday... little gossips as girls would be... a dreamy afternoon and a cloudy day... the sun over my head when i am at work... my shades over my eyes when the clouds disappear... a long bus ride to school be smooth... that gentle smile, in that secret i keep... over that weekend, feels like a little charm. i am pretty much happy.