Saturday, May 05, 2007

maybe i already know it in my heart. perhaps keeping my silence in exchange for some happiness is what i did. a little happiness is enough. for that moment, it is enough for me.
i am satisfied and no matter the time spent and emotions surrounding, i am happy enough. very much of course wishing things would be as true as i did placed that hope. but never mind that anymore, i held myself back because i already knew the end of the story we both played the roles. that story has ended before it began, perhaps this is the foolishness of starting the beginning which also created the ending.

perhaps this is a repetition of the story we created earlier. again we chose to step back into our roles. unassumingly, perhaps i wanted to believe. i wanted to see the different side of us. perhaps i thought the story could be played out differently. perhaps i wanted a different ending. perhaps, so many perhaps and hopes i lifted to the sky. but my heart was already still, knowing how things will be.

perhaps one day you will change your mind. perhaps time may tell. perhaps we took the wrong turn this time again. maybe the pathway we thought we knew actually is a winding road. it led to this and nowhere else. perhaps we will find the continuance from where we left the road again. perhaps a little more time to tell. perhaps things began too early. perhaps i wanted so much that i wanted this moment to be it.

each step closer, the trembles begin. knowing yet fearing. winning yet losing. having yet nothing. each anticipation, i paused awhile. the greater my fear is of losing myself into something again. perhaps to save you, i saved myself. perhaps i tried too hard to convince you and myself.

still, i am glad to own that special day. in memory it stays. i cannot ask for more, for that i know is the best you can give me. the answers are already shown before the questions asked. i asked because i was hoping again. perhaps the different me now yearns to hope, cushioning the facts to disappoint myself. hope is the only clean logic i can apply in order to achieve some learned happiness.

perhaps you are the learned happiness.

4:49 AM

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being me
THY CHARMED ONE
I am obviously a WOMAN, sometimes a Girl.
I am Old enough then again young enough so the number is...
I am pleased to say that i am HAPPY as can be.
I sometimes can be NASTY as that is part of me.
I am who i wanna b & i walk my path and live as i will.
I am just being ME altogether.
I AM THE EGO GIRL.

People Whom I think i love
..Madame DOLL..
..the GIRL who saw Greatness..
..mona lisa SMILES..
..a 10 yr old LITTLE girl..
..花鹅, sitting in his car..

Yesterday i wrote my life here

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