LIFE RATTLES 2

Sunday, June 17, 2007

oh well another entry... my exams are coming... shit and i haven't exactly been a good girl keeping at my books... my nose was like buried somewhere else online... lost amidst the sprees to come... my money's all blown in the world of virtual spending...

interestingly... and am i glad, i got an A & a B for both my projects! so maybe i can breathe alittle easier... let's pray now...

mel's birthday is comin up next week... excited but his present has to be postponed... haha no choice haven't got the time to order... this week i seriously have to be mugging... jas's present is not even in... that site... is so.... screwed...

fake plastic trees is a very very uber beautiful song... it aptly describes people and society... especially people... sometimes i think it is easier to just let them say whatever they want... give them bread... hoho... well..well... for i have been in the thick of people who i still feel sometimes pretty "cheated" but still give what i can... sometimes i need to erase that part of me...

i need to axe out some people.. just been discussing with mel & jas (there is no BF meeting today cos of some miscomm, the boss was not informed)... we realised there is a motivation speaker amongst our so-called original group... motivation speaker aka crap talker...

sighzzz people do change alot and in a short span of time... sometimes we all wish that all of us are moving in the same direction and improving for good instead of worse... seems like our dear friend is turning into someone we no longer recognise... well... physically & mentally... i think emotionally i hope for this dear friend's sake, that our dear friend is aware of this big change taking place & hold of xxxself... xxx mite be losing friends who really cared... and may have just about change these friends' hope for xxx... maybe we had thought that 1 year later, we all still can go out together... maybe it is my personal hope though the 1st day i met xxx, i knew that i should be losing xxx pretty much this time...

don't say that i or we did not put in our effort... sometimes i think on this dear friend's part, is too caught up in whatever doin and oso love life... i mean come on, aside from that friends are there... and i mean genuine friends if only you cared... sighzzz

we are lost in transition... mel was sayin we should still go ahead & buy that gift and ask what's the celebration... i think we need to see if we are invited or not... somehow i think not... this is a fake plastic tree, you have cash splurge on xxx... otherwise asking for a share of cost i think it is hard... and i don't understand why people are willing to splurge on...

for that little bit of fun & happiness? i think sometimes xxx is taken advantage in this situation... others pay for the drinks and xxx drinks & overdoes things in the end, i think the joke is on her... after that nite, i think these people don't even care about xxx. they can just walk away and leave xxx there...

oh well... i guess im getting sentimental now... what's friends in this society? i guess after those months of hangin out with bw turned me pessimistic about people... we are all so fragile...

anyway the good news, ok perhaps i should say better news is that i have tendered my f**king job! good! that shit should just go out of my life... i sloughed on like an animal for? nothing... sympathy is not needed and money is not digested well man... no no... whatever nuts & bolts they pay, they should go pump their faces...

at least i don't have to see that old hag anymore.. poison pen & poison face... who's scared of loneliness like she does best?

better news, mr. koh is a nice man.. ;) i should bless my fortune that i met him thru an unfortunate incident... in case, mr. o is wondering.. nope i did go to his place to know him better... that last man... maybe guts is an issue, maybe not, maybe not the right one, maybe i trusted him too much and gave too much away... mr. koh is a dear friend... with a strong arm haha i almost fell down... that arm pulled me from harm's way... this sir is family-oriented and i guess it is a good thing.. he has a nice smile & is funny to talk to... sleeps like a pig cos' he is born a pig 12 years my senior...

protective yeah... too protective sometimes... thinks the men i know cannot be trusted... yeah well some... but i no longer hang out with those... my BF are more trustworthy than anyone else and above all they are most precious things to me besides my mom, my cat, my chou chou... haha ok my sister too...

maybe mr koh treats me alittle too precious that i feel too precious suddenly... i have this demanding side which i find it hilarious... ok i wanna eat jap today! now! there u go... ok that is not me... hahah hueing thinks he is an old old man... oh well.. irene says i should prepare myself for a life long heist... gosh... i wasn't think so far yet... right one? i dunno... but for now, let's just see... well... we haven't done anything between us we are both i should say healthy livin healthy datin... i don't want to step into a relationship with someone i just met like dat... and no sex is a big no now... the last one was a big mistake... i sorely regret now..

i should have never dated someone younger... think due to that there are some differences that cannot be overcome, at least on my part... i can act all kiddish & stuff but just for humour's sake. i am not like dat for one. mel can justify that... i cannot put up with nonsense like childish bickering & non-intellectual sarcasm. i mean we both agreed to end things & let's just keep at that. things i chose not to reveal about my after you life doesn't mean that i am doing that to keep whatever image but not to create any hurt from the aftermath of things. i used to think that it is only right to start dating after a breakup like a year but after reading an article, i realised we humans are ever changing that there is no way to determine when is the right time to fall in love again...

perhaps it made him happy knowing that the last one after him is not successful.. let him mock it meant nothing to me.. my only disappointment was that i did like that last one. alot. foolishly. to have being made fun of for liking someone only an idiot can do that. well. i know an idiot like dat. no names mentioned. he can only be dat biggest jerk in the universe & for that i give him credit.

i don't dislike this idiot for once i did regard him as dear & precious as how BF is. perhaps i still do that is why i do not get mad. i don't say anythin when i get those malicious remarks for no apparent reason. perhaps this is his in born trait.. oh well.. some people are born rich, some are born poor, some are born smart some are just here becos they are such assholes and god or whoever up there cannot stand them. oh well he is part of that group...

i still don't get angry. he is who is he. i appreciate his honesty.. at least i think he is honest to an extent. still i wish things could be better. perhaps what makes my last relationship regrettable is becos i gain someone at that time & just as it is, i lost someone perhaps even more precious.

but for now. i am taking it easy, nice & slow. perhaps the age is one thing. ok, he is really nice... nope i am not that materialistic kind like perhaps this dear friend is... i don't care about his car, house or money or whatever... ok i do take advantage of his ears to whine... he is a good listener... maybe he fell aslp i dunno but yeah... he is a kind gentleman... he is really corny & cold jokes are his specialty... haha well he keeps me awake.

let's just see.. for now study study study then think.. oh yeah i sent out my resume now let's pray again.. mr. koh says i can't do sales cos i look too kiddish & no one would believe me & whatever i am selling unless it is candy & ice cream.. great way to dash my dreams... way to go... im only short but i do not and i repeat do not look like im still 15! thank you very much or rather let's do the drunk bw way - than you very mural... drunk's text message... after throwing up outside istana... hahaha

3:39 AM

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