LIFE RATTLES 2

Sunday, July 08, 2007

i might as well come clean with what is on my mind. well, i am sorta seeing mr. koh but not quite there yet. we both agreed that to take things slow and c how it goes. perhaps we have both learnt hard lessons and so need to cushion ourselves for the "just in case" situations.

so, yeah i am not really in a relationship tho it would be good to tell people otherwise so i don't get people having the wrong idea and knocking at my wooden door.

it was fun hangin out with a bunch of guys like last nite. just chat and enjoying. nothing more. don't come near me and don't try to be funny. yeah i think it is a well-respected scene this way. though of cos there is a piece of eye candy a midst the big men i was with. oh well, he is not cute! i dunno... gradually as darkness seeps into dawn, i caught myself in a "hole in the mouth" situation. can't speak too well. nope not becos of the drinks. but just hmmm... i prefer the watching bit. especially the dance bits. the funny thing is 2 are attached but they are just the relaxed guys. so i think u can say it is pretty safe. it felt rather mature. it hit me that most guys i knew doesn't carry that ounce of maturity yet. other than mr. koh of cos.

i met the stupid boy. i pretended he was invisible. i pretended i was calm and so on. just to avoid his eyes. stupidity is contagious. i caught it once from him so i rather just avoid the infection and bug off. yeah, after hangin out with the real men. he kinda looked pretty prissy to me now. as what jimmy says. wat is the big deal. console myself he is no great shakes. well, i still can't bring myself to hate him as wat C tinks i should. i am not like that. but yeah after the big men, them looked so soft and white. those are the white boys i used to play with. them the big men i will c next saturday. i shall tell my tang ge. and let us analyze the boys and men. c what the world is made of and what is god up to.

them stupid boys. sorry! boy. b.w is sad. but he is quick to pick on that and to re-build himself a fortess to hide away the possibility of losing himself again. sometimes i wish boys don't play silly games. think for your life what would be it that you can never lose. down the path of tryin to see how strong you are, actually you are losing yourself. i think the 6 months of this year that passed seemed to bring alot of unhappiness.

i can see it from his eyes.

he thought i couldn't and that i like them cannot be bothered.

but people who cared always do despite themselves. i can say that he irritates the shit outta me he still does. but between us friends, i do care sincerely.

likewise i cared very much for o to be happy. just that when C was talkin to me about apologising and returning to the former... well lookin at him and hearing C and disscussin with berth... we both laughed at everything. cos' nothin in their world actually matches!

i am happy cos' last nite was fun. it really was that it is a decent nite that i can't feel sick to my tums when i turned my eyes to look back at what happened. it made me smile. i started to take pics again. these beautiful pics. ah... life's pretty much stable.

i tink rich is pretty lonely. he is funny and self deprecating but realli lonely.

i hate it when i feel for others. it makes me wanna do something. but i can't play god everytime someone has an issue. j just called and here it goes again. i cannot afford to hear out so many issues of day. come on b concerned abt gobal warming or something. those issues sometimes just gets stale.

like at work, i am not having a great time there at all. each day passes i am like going invisible. i tendered and intend to move on. but i am still very much alive. sometimes i think those eyes there are kinda like milky white - aka BLIND. those minds are like this like that - aka BRITNEY SPEARS AND ONE NITE IN PARIS... shallow waters but not lookin so good...

ugliness are like so like ... i am speaking britney talk.

the only thing that keeps me goin are still my kids... otherwise... i might as well just collapsed...

i am like thinking abt oh gosh! shucks can't say anymore...

just take things slow and calm and steady. he has a nice smile.

gosh! rotten to death kinda smile. he looks like a monkey. i am not sure if that is good.

sheep is stupid, monkey has got the blues right out of the heartbreak hotel and the pig is just doing some thinking. dog is just looking like a monkey.

shucks...

berth and i are just not helping the situation by stepping into shopping centres... i haf got finger burn from my spending... gosh gosh gosh... taskata!

7:48 PM

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