i always found it fascinating to be with someone due to some fantasy we conjured up about that party. we fall in love due to very whimsical reasons. yet, we found in our resolve to break down when the reasons fall apart and tear our lives apart as well. we break down when we cannot control the situation or when words exchanged hurt each other or even when we don't know how to heal each other.

i had a huge fight with mr. koh. i don't know if it is jealousy or just pure anger. angry that i am someone is always think "friend" beyond others or sometimes even beyond "reason". or perhaps he is jealous that i got to know this german while clubbing. i have been honest with that guy that i am attached so back off. somehow, mr. koh called up screaming at me. honestly i didn't know how to deal with that. that sort of emotions. i shut myself up and i couldn't do anything. perhaps this is a sign of how much i like him. it hurts awfully.

気づかれて私は"愛" の代りに単語を"のような" 使用した。私達は一緒にあることそれは十分の理由であること私達の運命に私達を結合する私達に愛の確信を一緒に持って来た変な理由。愛自体では、時々自由は見捨てられる。私はこの場合考える、私が崇拝した右の感じをのための持てば誰かとあるために、私は少し見捨てて喜んで、愛されることによって大いに多くを得た。それを私であるために見るのためのI がように私が正しいことを祈りなさい。

i just told madame doll that i wouldn't mind being a 小女人 since i already know what kind of person mr. koh is. can i last long in this role? will i tire of being a muse playing to his whims and ego? will i lose my interest because i enjoy being treated precious? i am still lucky in a sense, that i am able to be overwhelmed by such emotions instead of losing sight of what i used to be despite that hurt that i have received before. it did not made me stronger but it made me grow in terms of hindsight that i looked far and further of what i can be to protect and love myself more.

for those very whimsical reasons sometimes 2 parties really play their part. reasons form when one deem the existence necessary. when i was told that i was missed during the absence of our continued fate. i am still thinking of that individual and would i have dive into the unknown parallel to what i had previously received. again, that foolish me re-surfaced. then my thoughts returned to mr. koh, i counted my blessings.

まだ私は新しい表紙を付ける感じから受け取っていた速い敗北からの私の中心を保つことができなかった。私の感覚が浅瀬の自分自身の損失の危険に覚醒するいつあるか沈黙させるために私は自分自身を静めることができる。