i don't know why but i have been having pretty weird and disturbing dreams lately.

1) i dreamt of meow meow and i being a strange big house with cream tall walls. she ran out of the back gate onto the driveway and suddenly a huge dog came chasing after her. i didn't know what to do and had stood still for the longest time in dreamland before i ran after her. i wasn't sure if i could save her. the dog looked friendly and gave me a sense of security but yet scared the hell out of me. i actually managed to shoo that dog away and grabbed her. but instead of a grateful cat, meow meow jumped onto me and was pretty angry about that chase and started to scratched me. i had to fight her off. it was all smoke after that.

2) i was back in the same house with my cousin who took me to her attic and showed me a picture of her supposedly when she was younger. however that picture was another cousin's portrait. i tried convincing her so but she refused to listen and was insistent that it is her. she was smiling dreamily at "her picture" and i thought she lost it big time. the attic grew darker just with a speck of light streaming through above my head. i woke up after that. i only remembered feeling very frightened by that.

3) this by far, the weirdest: it was a dead quiet night, i woke up in a stranger's room. i shared the bed with this guy whom i know in real life but the possibility is pretty much a negative any figure or equation thing. we were both naked and he was practically giving me an anatomy lesson on his physical self. i was trying to tell him i don't think i need the lesson. moreover i was embarassed that my best friend's friend is teaching me that. he acted like it is the most natural thing to do. next thing that surprised me, there is a tiny swordlike thing growing out of his cyclops. he wanted to show me where it would fit onto another anatomy, namely me and my best friend. i started crying even though i know i can trust him. he is after all a nice guy in real life. i freaked out hearing my mom's voice. i took up all my clothes and ran out of his place. i found myself in the middle of the wet market and shophouses somewhat like my old estate. i needed the loo badly. i was desperate. i couldn't recognised my way back to his apartment. it was daybreak, people are up and about. the noise is piercing every pore of me. i was spinning. i was scared, running up and down trying to find the stairs that leads to his house for me to hide. next i saw my mom and her friends. i ran up to her thinking she would protect me but she failed to notice my state of undress and distress and had even pointed me out to the stairs where i could go back. suddenly i felt abandoned and unwanted. i didn't go up that stairs to seek the darkness of his room nor his sword or comfort. i felt small and no one could see me. the light got brighter and the place gotten more packed. i just stood a corner and cry.

i woke up on sunday gotten really depressed and my shoulder ached and my pillow wet with tears. i needed a hug but i don't know where to get it. i was afraid that the someone i run to might not want to hold me. i felt alone in this silent world of mine. i don't think my emotions are running whack but perhaps i treasured what might not bring me happiness in life while i am awake, yet my dreams perhaps seek to tell me what i will missed out on.

i wish someone could decipher my dreams for me. these are so vivid that everytime i stopped thinking about something, they would appear and haunt me all over again.