12 days without him. has passed all in all without a sigh in this world.
this world still evolves. turning on its axis no stopping to its movement.

reading through the list of things to do in december somewhat makes me smile.
whether there will be an opportunity to accomplish all those things we chose or that we may have just gone through it all with another partner to come.

my cough is not ceasing. this sickness is taking a long time. sometimes i wonder if it is a ready made excuse for me to be hidden in my room away from the world. for i who cannot move on.

tonight i will be dragged out of my little world to see how the rest of us live be it in happiness or saddness. most of us out there are just lonely isn't it? despite who we are, it does not mean that we do not have the right to be loved by someone nor having that right to love someone too. this is not an emotion that we are lack of, rather that we fear too much to have lack of the energy to take action to sieze the moment.

watched skip beat! episode 3. it made me realized all the emotions i felt in all my past attempted at happiness still does not stopped me from wanting that jigsaw bit that belongs to me.

i still want to bring him for all the food i promised. make that durian creme i promised. so many things that i promised i do not wish to let go. i just wanted an opportunity to fulfill them. not just with anyone. this makes me awfully stupid. i am stubborn, i cannot let go, time will pass me by, perhaps these pictures in my head will grow smaller and one day the pain will pass too. but now i just do not want to let go.

because letting go means that i will never know if things are meant to be. now he is just shutting door on me.


1. Greet Prince a Happy Welcome Back!
2. Date in the Zoo
3. Movie Date with Mr. President
4. A Sweet Mango Tart to Share
5. Durian Creme for a special soul
6. To eat A Strawberry Marshmallow Cake made by a Prince
7. Bring Mr. President for a terrific Steamboat at Holland V
8. Rent a DVD ;-)
9. Share a little something between Princess and her Prince
10. Seafood Escape to KL
11. Have a Merry Xmas 2009
12. Have a steaming herbal chicken at Old Airport Road
13. Make a Wish on New Year's Eve
14. Cook up a nice buttery Cod Steak
15. Wish Mr. President a Safe Journey Back to the other side of the world
16. Before it ends, what else can I add on?

17. I just want him back