few things happened this week.

i came back from bangkok. now that is a surprise that i even boarded that plane back to SINGAPORE. like WTF.

i am somewhat glad that my feelings are as intact as possible. this week is definitely not a good week. tuesday was BAD. wednesday was SWEET. thursday was DOWNRIGHT UNBELIEVABLE. i got told that i somehow "disliked" or rather have something against a colleague. i am sorry but like WTF. firstly, i do not appreciate over reacting emotions or hormones nor do i appreciate others not being receptive. i have been kind to even explain myself. the irony is that when someone is downright unpleasant to you so many times, and yet having the ability to walk away from bad attitude is amazing. the funny thing is having this person who trode on my tailcoat (no not an animal no tail at all to begin with) to tell me that i am against her. i have tolerated snide comments, no appreciation for volunteering to help, going the extra mile even though **sorry bosses** i am bloddy not paid for, absolutely NOT my BLODDY JOB to do so just doing really out of kindness. yes I am bloddy for FUCK being very kind to all my bloddy colleagues. so few actually realized that in this damn corporate world, kindness is still the answer to many things. time after time being told to do things like i have to, like it is my job. i kept my silence and put my peace (pieces) together. not given information as requested and it is MY bloddy fault that you cannot follow instructions. being told I have the simplest JOB!. in the fucking office. i mean EXCUSE my FUCKING MOUTH, what DID YOU SAY? You are rude. not that anyone did not noticed. no one just want to tell you that and hear you defending yourself mindlessly. and you can talk about defensive talk... to be fair, come on think about your own actions before you go taking someone's head off. else put a mirror over your shoulder and look BACK.

this is something i should really like just fuck it off my mind. unfortunately i can't. i can't because i have been tolerating just to have this senseless self-piting words thrown at me. so you are an angel now. i wish sometimes people would have some simple courtesy and practise some form of consideration. when we talk to each other and when we need help. everone just want, no one wants to give. those who give in this office are really thankless and i should sometimes say this to myself. don't be stupid. no one really appreciates. i miss my ex colleagues. they know what is appreciation. is it me or is it because we are locals? i am not paid to be your fucking maid. i have been toying with the idea and the thoughts if this is right for me. i love what i am doing but lately i cannot see which direction i am supposed to head into. i just keep doing. back in MP, at least my goals and targets are clear to me. i know what i am achieving. i don't know what i do will be considered as a form of achievement. even my colleagues are not securing that positive drive for me anymore. it is difficult to achieve harmony when the people you work with are more interested in playing games and riding over each other.

i really do love my company and believe things will go far and internally we will grow stronger. but some people really need to get out. they only see themselves in the mirror not those standing together with them.

i can understand why others are not too willing to delve too much into a conversation with that person and why others would not want to help. if you only care about getting all the recognition (in terms of how much you do, did or going to do, really doing) and not taking the blame when shit happens. people who are able to see that will not fall twice for the same trick.

i have to start to draw the line and learn not to love my colleagues beyond 6.30pm. Chick i will still love you late and way into the night. too love kills whatever that is left of me. i get strung up. i will not do WHAT i am not paid to do so. since others can throw this statement as and when. so can i. i will not help those who think they are god's gift to mankind (both male & female) anymore. i will give templated answers in a very kind neutral tone with an expressionless face so that no one will ever have a word to complain. (even though they will eventually find something to talk about - overpaid underworked....) i will still be my professional self. sorry work is still work. it will not compromise my standard as long as my salary comes from the big man there... i may be an angry chick now but i am smarter than most. and no, my job is not simple, despite the many tasks i have to do, i still do it better and cleaner and i am well organized. thank you and go fuck off.

the end of my rant.


talked to sab and chick about the unforgettable "He's Not That Into You".
**my mouth is kind of dry after using that many "F" in one post, i think i am turning religious!!!**

I am still reading “He’s not that into you”... I just realized to keep a man wanting, requires so much of a woman.

Why is it that other women are able to find men without hassle, yet I had to rely on a book, lots of prayers and 10,000 hopes to do so? I promise I will be good yet things are going my way. I may not be that nice, but at least I am awfully cute and practically sweet as honey. I am doubting my womanhood for all the wrong reasons and the biggest irony is having a man to tell all the things that I have done in past are so wrong in grabbing a man. Here we have all the men complaining about the women they snagged for life....

Perhaps gayism is the best way to life! I will not turn to arranged marriage (firstly that is "forced" willingness is adapted into a long standing culture that no one will reject for the fear of social branding. secondly, i am entitle to the freedom of love)

i just came to the thought that i wasted my youth (& even now) chasing paper dreams.
too many fairy tales printed on pretty paper that tells you what love should be. i think the authors have not met a real human being yet.

still i am happy where i stand socially.

i miss bangkok and i want to go back. (keyword of the day: BACK)

the holiday is unable to misplace my growing unhappiness but replaced that longing for that fuzzy happy feeling though temporary.

i need to think happy thoughts. dear somebody up there. make me happy. strike 4D, buy scratchy, see MANAYYYYYYYYYY $$$$$...

THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB THINK CLUB

SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS SEE FLOWERS

THINK OF N's VOICE & WORDS THINK OF N's VOICE & WORDS THINK OF N's VOICE & WORDS THINK OF N's VOICE & WORDS THINK OF N's VOICE & WORDS THINK OF N's VOICE & WORDS

i wish it is saturday now.