22 January 2010
This has been almost 3 weeks without internet. Nothing left for me to pick up and fill my head with cloudy dreams. Can’t lay my hands and eyes on any of those episodes, I nearly went into a coma.

Without my daily ritual, I got hooked on TV. But then again, it got too dramatic that I don’t I am able to relate the situations to any I would face in this lifetime. Not if I were an actress or just a really rich and bored lady.

To give myself something to look forward in the night, I built a mosaic world, tiled to the best of what I wanted. I drew an imaginary lover straight from a face of someone I know. Not just his face, let’s just say his physique, character and yeah, his weaknesses. I fell head over heels in this imaginary world, building each daily events and stuff we would do. At least I thought so.

In actuality, he is not that single. I don’t know why I singled him out for nights of “love in dream” romancing. Perhaps, he intrigued me whenever we engaged in any conversation. Ideally, he appealed. Especially with his big boss face. I don’t know why, but I fell in love with the shady world of Japanese mafia. Now, my dream is to be a yakuza wife. Right, in a black kimono, dark eyes and painted lips of the night.

Each night, I am just drawn to making love in a completely non – existent form. I felt perverted, weird, in everyway; inside out of my character. I got addicted to a romance that has never happened. Perhaps I want something so badly that I am beginning to play it out like a novel writer.

Well, the chapter has come to an end. Not because I gave him 4 kids, 3 boys and a princess, nor that I made it to my dream job and worked hard for a place in the adult world. But because, I remembered this guy I borrowed to have some fun with, is attached.

How depressing.

I am parked with an unhealthy love and tight guilt. Guilty enough to want to call him and apologize. I don’t think in real life anything is going to happen. Although often I heard that loggerheads will fall in love with each other. Then again, I do not dislike him that much to term him as an enemy.

I rattled and now I am confused. What a fairytale romance.

I swear I will just stick to being a rock star in my dreams.