besides the blessing from above.

i received a message from USA. this morning.
honestly, i didn't know if i am blessed or what. it was a MCQ this morning, deciding my emotions; saddness, happiness or plain anger.

i nearly wanted to slap myself or take a plane to land my hand across another's face. left or right then would be my dilemma.

i did ask for a "hi". well, in a way i got it. i just didn't know what to expect of it. my fingers are sure nimble this morning. i deleted before i could read a second time. it leaves me no time for regrets. though deep down my heart, i could hear a resounding tick - tocking of my guts. i fear that regret would just barged in and take over the plan. foolishness u - turns real quick.

i closed my eyes again. what am i expecting out of it? this is the first, could it lead to the second, third or more? would my greed grow? would it make me hopeful? it makes me wonder if i see happiness in this.

perhaps the only slap i need to give is to myself. a $5 million draw is up tonight and i am not even excited to exercise the blessing i got from my neighbour. i am just sitting on my bed and falling into my thoughts and wishing i hadn't ask for a "hi".

it is hello & goodbye. again.